WITNESS: The closed door, I am unsure how you lean on a open door, there would be a hole there, you would fall straight through..
MAGISTRATE: Now Mr *****, are you the defendant?
DEFENDANT: No, I am the guy that stole the frozen chickens
BARRISTER: And you were trespassing because?
WITNESS: I was 'planking' for a photo
BARRISTER: Your Honour, planking is where one lays outstretched; face down flat, like a plank.
JUDGE: Well Mr ***** if you can resist planking for a further 15 mins we will be having a short adjournment.
COUNSEL: And is it true that then your wife would often beat you with a clear impunity?
WITNESS: No sir, it was mostly with a potato masher.
DEFENDANT: I would like to represent myself as I am not happy with my legal representation
JUDGE: On what grounds?
DEFENDANT: He is not interested in my case
JUDGE: Do you have anything to add Mr *********
LAWYER: Sorry what?